[NONE]

being taken for granted.
feels like shit.

IMPULSIVE SHOPPER ! ! !

I just realized, that I AM AN IMPULSIVE SHOPPER!!

o my...
..goes like this
went to Carrefour MT Haryono for lunch with an office mate..
.. had lunch
mate wanted to buy 'kuaci'..
i wanted to buy nothing..
repeat : NOTHING -
passed by a small optic..
...interested.
mate paid for her purchasing items
..decided to wait at the optic, and window shopping quite a bit-
trie few sunglasses, because the sales girl was so nice...
(and note this, she had caesarean when giving birth of her son,
and she still has a flat tummy)
... looked at the mirror, and think,
"well, this quite nice, standard model.."
"it will fit anything, and longlasting.."
...
"it's titanium... "
..
"it's rather expensive--"
...
"but well--like i said, it's titanium..
although the model is quite standard.."

"...well, i do buy quality, right??"

grab my visa electron, and it's mine..
packed it..
...and then, the nice sales girl, offered me to try the lisa loeb frames...
with brown-green turtle skin frame..
the kind that will create the nerdy look for your image

"--ooohh, i never fit this kind of frame,
it won't do anyway, and i have bought one--
.. so i wont be 'interested' buying another one...right??"

rrr.... right??

well...--HOW WRONG !!! --

I fell in love by the time i put it on and looked on my image in the mirror..
it was SO NOT ME, but I LOVED IT..
...
...
[speechless..]
[peek the price..]
"well,a bit cheaper.."
[sigh...]
"ah, heck, I live only once anyway--"

grab my other visa, and closed the bargain

REALLY, most expensive lunch out
not even planned
oh dear..
just because the sales girl was so nice...
watta lame excuse

I am an impulsive shopper, so now I know

but, HELL IT WAS FUN !!

A BRAND NEW ME (I hope..)

I've made a major decision... to get out..
tapi dengan cara yang memalukan dan agak kurang dewasa sih menurut gue.
cape bo... i hurt and get hurt. dua2nya sama2 berat.
So, no more prejudice, no more nasty words, just no more..
enough

(pms, maklum, mudah2an berlanjut..)

a letter to a friend

Hi frans,

we'll see how it's going.

I just happened to be a very moody person, and today i have this 'i hate monday' syndrome. gosh... remembering i have a date afterworks, a movie, not really wish for it -- remembering my mood condition right now, but it is requested by somebody - happens to be male - which is always acts so nice to me, and i will feel uncomfortable to turn him down.
I already warned him this morning, about my mood condition, when he message me to let me know what time he would pick me up at the office. i told him, we'd better see later, since i have this mood swing, and it's not fair, if he have to put up with my crabby mood. but to my surprise, he messaged me back, with words of nice encouragement. he said,
'well, that means that you are still trully human, you still can 'feel' something. it's much worse if you can no longer feel anything and have no passion for anything. i also had a bad day yesterday, over-tiring and over-extended trip that ruin my plan for the whole day'...
i didn't know how to response, he was so nice, but, maybe i'm trully selfish, that's what i am. up till now, i haven't reply the message.

Actually, i had a blast yesterday, i went to this china town and visit vihara and traditional market at the china town with some girlfriends at petak sembilan, kota. we went there by trans-jakarta busway from the furthest station, passing the main artery of jakarta. after that, we went to jakarta museum nearby. it was beautiful museum, with colonial architecture. and there, we meet a friend';s friend, barbara. she's australian with a fluent indonesian. very2 hillarious, and made me lough out loud from the heart. we went to glodok plaza for late lunch. Actually we also planned to go for india's town at pasar baru district, and planned to have lunch for india's traditional cuisine, but barb has just recovered from a 1 week illness, and she had to watch carefully for what she'd ate. so we'd go for just ordinary junk food.

and then we're heading for setiabudhi building, where there's some hip resto and cafe and place to hang out for young executive segment. there's someplace similar, bigger yet more crowded, with lots of adolesence and teenagers. remembering our group, at the mid 20's and early 30;s, we pass that. this place we'd chosen, is more intimate, located at the first 2 floors of an office building, in the middle of jakarta's business district, nearby to the last bomb scene at kuningan.

we're heading for some coffee, but apparently, decided to have dinner instead of just-coffee.. and we had sushi. not the traditional sushi, unfortunately, as expected, but the sushi with some modification in serving. although i should had been able to guess, anyway, from the name of the resto. 'sushi groove'...
barb is a very talkactive person, in a nice way... i laughed and laughed and laughed, just hearing her talking. and i cannot remember, the last time laugh, so straight from the heart. perhaps, it's been a long while since the last time, since i cannot remember when was the last time.

but unfortunately, at the end of the day, i--again--had a fight with my ex. o my... it actually already started at the morning, but we decided to cease it up for the day, and then started again just before my bedtime. My last relationship has made me bitter... should have brought myself out of it, completely, but damn.. , it's just so hard to do. maybe i'm just way too 'female'.

that should explain my bad mood this morning.
i'll tell you about my end of year trip later.

regards.

i.n.t.r.e.l.u.d.e

Kemarin pulang kerja mampir ke Gramedia, beli timbangan berat badan.
Sampai rumah, langsung aku buka, cocokkan, dan melangkahlah aku keatas timbangan itu..
TURUN 1 KG LAGI!!!
cek lagi timbangannya, cocokkan lagi.. timbang lagi...
TETAP!!
langsung buru-buru makan, timbang lagi,
TIDAK BERUBAH!!!
Bangun pagi, timbang lagi,
lho, KOK TURUN SETENGAH KILO?!?
Sarapan, timbang lagi,
phiuhh.. naik setengah kilo..

o my... total sudah turun 5 kg, and keep counting...

aku makan 3 hari sekali, without skip, ga ada pantangan, kambing, telor, daging merah, nyemil pun iya, tapi emang ga banyak2 juga
kenapa begini... akibat pikiran kah..
gimana ini..

Jadi perempuan emang susah, overweight bingung, berasa kurus pun bingung (padahal ga kurus2 amat juga sih... cuma aku penggemar badan sekal yang proporsional), dan jelas bingung dong, pake baju jadi ga pas semua... baju ku yang selemari itu jatohnya jadi gaada yang bagus..

seorang teman memberikan komentar lucu waktu kuceritakan soal kekuatiran ku ini via sms,
'katanya.. kalo mau nambah berat, kawin aja...
bukan nikah lo yaaa... ditambah lagi mukanya jadi cerah loo...'

bwahahahahahahaha....

mudah2an nanti sore nambah satu kilo, begah nih perut kebanyakan makan dari pagi

ROAD TRIP part 2

DAY 1 – kemana ya...agak lupa (bo’ong banget), pokoknya hari itu lumayan mendung...
Oh, started a bit late, karena kecapean akibat the journey as told in part 1.
Pagi2 nyari koran, cari berita soal tsunami, eh dideket tukan koran itu ada mbok2 yang jual nasi ayam bali, enaaaaakkkkk banget.... ih, amit2 enaknya... warungnya deket pantai sanur, rame banget, yang makan orang bali semua.. Si mbok nyerok makanannya pake tangan, mungkin itu yang bikin enak kali ya, gatau tu tangan abis megang apa hiiiiyyy.....hehehe gue makan bedua sama salah satu tante, abis eneg sama sarapan hotel yang ga jauh2 dari nasigoreng dkk..

Heading for SUKOWATI, belanja bedcover, standar.. gue sih ga terlalu semangat, karena pada dasarnya males kalo musti nawar2.. jadi cuma beli bedcover1, kaos 2, hotpants 1, sendal 4 (apanya yang males ya...)

Trus ke ULUWATU at noon, lumayan bagus cuman gue ga terlalu bisa nikmatin, soalnya must take my spectacles off, karena terlalu banyak saudara tua pembaca semua disana... MONYET...(bukan nyumpah) dari yang kecil sampe yang gede yang punya skill kayak narapidana cipinang, muka innocent, geser, geser, BET... langsung nyamber kacamata,topi,anting,kalung pengunjung...
JADI... untuk orang dengan penglihatan minim macem gue, sayangnya kurang bisa nikmatin objek wisata satu ini..

Trus ke GWK... haduuuuhhh.... emang gue cinta Nyoman Nuarta... gue suka banget galeri n kafe nya yang ada di setrasari Bandung, nasi Balinya uennakkk tenan... (lho....)
Arsitektur, landscape design and artwork nya bagus (nah.... baru nyambung). Gue langsung jatuh cinta begitu masuk tempat ini, it’s a wow... tapi karena ni tempat udah tenar banget jadi ga perlu gue resensiin lah ya..

Akhirnya menuju ke LEGIAN, karena gue ketitipan untuk beli kaos hardrock (yang nantinya ternyata jadi pemicu kegegeran yang menyakitkan hati... cuih...)
Ujan lumayan gede, tapi lalu reda sedikit... kita diturunin di monumen bom bali. Beberapa tante gue foto2 disitu, gue nolak... (iya lah... secara itu tempat orang mati, nanti kalo tiba2 ada yang nebeng foto gimana...), jalanlah kita sepanjang legian menuju hardrock tempat tujuan akhirnya. Bis bakal nunggu disitu... YAOLO.... ujan gwede banget.... (mungkin efek tsunami juga kali ya... cuaca pas gue di bali agak2 ga stabil gitu..)... kuyuplah kita semua... pendek kata akhirnya bis dateng ngejemput kita lagi.. makan malem, hotel, tidur...

—END OF DAY 1 at BALI

ROAD TRIP part 1

Ini bakal jadi posting yang sangat panjang, karena gue akan menceritakan perjalanan liburan kemaren yang penuh suka duka..

JADI… tiba-tiba, teman bunda ada yang secara impulsif ngajak roadtrip ke Bali, ikut tur, dan carter bis. Ide baru muncul tanggal 22 desember, padahal rencana berangkat tanggal 25 subuh n pulang sampe jakarta tanggal 2… gila… tapi herannya jadi… kebayang kan rusuhnya…

Pesertanya sebagai berikut:
- Keluarga gue : gue, bokap, nyokap, ade gue yang bela2in pulang dari bandung padahal tanggal 3 januari dia ujian Prinsip Struktur n Konstruksi (bagi temen2 gue pasti tau betapa najisnya makul ini…)
- Keluarga Tante Lia : ini si pelopor ide, berikut pencetus bahwa kita tidak bisa naik pesawat karena tanteku sayang satu ini trauma naik pesawat. Tante beserta suami n putranya, ray.
- Tante Cristine (single fighter)
- Tante Aming beserta 2 putra nya, garry n kevin.
Jadi total 11 orang, beserta keluarga si pemilik tur 4 orang plus sopir n tour leader.

Rute:
Jakarta – Surabaya – Bali – Malang - Jogjakarta – Jakarta ( sungguh tiga kebayang betapa rute ini akan melenceng cukup jauh dari perkiraan…)

25 subuh, kira2 jam 4, kita semua ngumpul di basecamp.
Cuaca hujan, n sungguh surprise ngeliat bis nya, karena tidak sebagus yang kita bayangkan…dan yang dijanjikan. walaupun merk nya mercedes benz, rupanya benz keluaran tahun yang cukup tua.. tapi apa daya, niat sudah bulat, maka di-loading lah barang-barang bawaan ke dalam bus
(NOTES : ini perjalanan ibu2, dengan barang bawaan sebanyak orang mudik. Gue sama ade gue masing2 cuma bawa satu backpack kecil untuk baju n satu handbag buat dompet-hp, tapi… tante-tante itu… ya ampun…minimal 2 koper buat tiap orang… minimal lo yaaa, mulai yang bawa guling sendiri, sleeping bag, teko pemanas, dst)

AND THE JOURNEY BEGUN…

Keluar tol Cikampek… tiba2 ada yang ga beres dengan ban belakang,
Menepi…
3 mur copot, hilang entah kemana (o my, untung ban nya ga sekalian copot…)
akhirnya 3 jam lebih untuk ngebetulin, karena hari itu masih pagi, pas hari natal, n blun ada toko yang buka.. Untung masih bisa diatasi

tapi rupanya itu baru awal…
kondisi bis yang sudah tua bikin sopir tidak bisa ngebut, ditambah lagi ibu2 yang kuatiran.. kalo sopir ngebut dikit, langsung muncul demo dari ibu2 dibelakang..

Rencana check point pertama surabaya… sungguh jauh dari angan-angan…
sampai semarang sudah jam 7 malem, makan nasi ayam enaaaakkkk banget, sempet beli lumpia…
akhirnya karna ga mungkin nyampe ke sby, rombongan memutuskan untuk ngerubah pit stop pertama jadi di Lasem, Rembang. Kebetulan tante christine punya sodara disana yang punya hotel, jadi kita bisa nginep disana on short notice.

Sampe lasem, jam 1 malam, check in, tidur…

Pagi2, mau berangkat…. Ternyata…
AKI BIS TIDAK NYALA!!!! TIDAK ADA SETRUMNYA!!! bwahahaha, i started to find the funny side of all this incident, ya udah, kita mutusin nyari sarapan aja sambil jalan2 di lasem,
Nyetop becak di depan hotel, nanya tempat makan nasi yang lumayan enak, dibilang di terminal (dengan bahasa jawa tentunya), dan tidak lupa tukang becak menginformasikan bahwa tempatnya dekat, jalan pun bisa. Tapi karena tidak ada yang familier dengan daerah tersebut, akhirnya kita mutusin buat naik becak. 6 becak pun beriringan. dan ternyata… si tukang becak tidak berbohong, belum sempet ngedipin mata udah nyampe.. ternyata cuman di pengkolan seberang.. hehehe…

Makan, foto2 sama pengamen, ketemu tukang kelapa kopyor, beli kelapa kopyor 11 buah.. (kelapa beneran yang masih bulet lo ya…), jalan balik ke hotel, ternyata aki bis sudah betul, loading kelapa ke bis,

AND—FINALLY—THE JOURNEY CONTINUED…

Sungguh, tidak ada masalah…. Sampe Gilimanuk

Sampe gilimanuk kira2 jam 7 malam.. udah pol deh, capek, bali udah tinggal ngesot dikit lagi.. TETAPIII…. Pas di depan loket tiket ke fery, si bis tua (yang akhirnya diberi nama si jambrong) ini MOGOK GOK…

Koplingnya patah…
(sungguh disyukuri kejadian ini timingnya ga pas bis lagi jalan, kalo ga, 5 keluarga mungkin udah alm. )

Nelangsa…

Duduklah kita berderet di trotoar depan pelabuhan Gilimanuk… ngebayangin betapa tinggal ngesot ke bali gitu…(tapi, pas duduk bederet tea’ sempet foto2 juga loo hehehe ) dan lewatlah bis antar kota jawa-denpasar, non-ac, dicarterlah bis tsb oleh tour leader kami (tapi bukan berarti bis itu cuma buat rombongan kami loo… ada penumpang juga di bis itu, tapi cuma dikit)…

Mulailah ritual loading-unloading…
Koper – tas – backpacks - sleeping bag - kardus2 aqua dkk - … oiya… kelapa 11 butir…hahahahaha… such a funny scene, really…

Sebelum naik fery, sms masuk, berita tsunami (sedih… sekaligus ngeri, karena kita baru akan nyebrang, n dikasih tau kalo tsunami itu sudah sampai sibolga)

Naik fery, makan pop mi di ferry, tante lia sayang nangis karena kecewa (kasian…), ngetawain tukang jualan yang over-pd promosiin barang dagangannya (harusnya jadi pelawak aja tuh… bener lucu banget), foto city-light bali yang terefleksi di air dari fery – becanda.. ketawa…

Keluar fery menuju sanur, tempat hotel kita berada… (or at least, we thought, we were heading for sanur…-- how wrong we were…)
Karena si bis cuma sampe terminal denpasar, jam 12 malem HWAAAA…!!!!!!

TERMINAL BIS DENPASAR..
Again… ritual loading-unloading, dari bis ke angkot… (angkot beneran lo ya, 2 angkot yang dicarter, yang mobil unyil itu lo..)

Koper – tas – backpacks - sleeping bag - kardus2 aqua dkk – dan tidak lupa kelapa 10 butir, yang satu hilang menggelinding entah kemana..
Bener2 mirip turis yang dideportasi dari malaysia. Satu orang jinjing 1-2 kelapa (this coconuts were touring from lasem to bali!!)

Sampe sanur-check in hotel – jam 1 malem, whatta tiring, obnoxious—yet so much fun-filled (in most unbelievable ways) couple of days.

The key to sanity are, enjoy every situation to the most, find positive sides in it, laughs your heart out for it when it starts to become almost unbearable, and be gratefull that you are trully blessed with such a unique experience of life.

Itu baru perginya lo ya… tragedi si bis (a.k.a si jambrong) rupanya terulang di perjalanan pulang…

FORGIVEN NOT FORGOTTEN

(courtesy to the corrs for the title)

Lagi mellow nih... sekarang sih udah mendingan, kemaren... ampun deh... Jadi cewe tuh susah juga ya, kadang2 mood bisa kayak roller coaster ga jelas. Gue tuh sebenernya ga pengen kok, bener..., ga pengen yang musti mikirin segala sesuatu berat2, sampe kebawa BT. Tapi kok susah ya..

To forgive and forget,
gwampaaang banget diomongin, tapi sulit banget dilakuin, apalagi kalo menyangkut ke orang yang pernah nyangkut di hati kita. Misalnya ya,seorang mantan, trus.... (apa lagi ya, mmm...busyett.. susah ya nyari sample lain).

To forgive maybe easy, but forget, that’s the difficult part. Kadang2 gw ngerasa udah memaafkan, n take things easy. Tapi begitu kena mood swing, atau ada sesuatu yang dia lakuin yang bikin gue bt (Walaupun kalo gue berpikir logis, ngapain juga gue bt, toh gaada apa2 gitu loh...) hancurlah semua tekad untuk mensukseskan gerakan to forgive and forget tea’... and end up setelahnya, ngerasa bersalah, kok bisa2nya acting like a b***h, padahal sebenernya ga perlu.

Trus akhirnya timbul pertanyaan, ‘have i actually, for real, forgiven him? Or I just thought, i HAD forgiven him..’

Gue suka ngeles, I have forgiven, but choose not to forget. Jadi, gue ceritanya pengen inget2 all the sweet things left behind. Tapi..... semakin gue inget, kok semakin sakit ya...

Kadang2 gue suka mikir, apa lebih gampang kalo musuhan aja.. Tapi kok kayaknya ga dewasa (ceileh... )
Maksudna, kayaknya itu penyelesaian yang childish banget. Dan the real reason is, it’s so hard to hate someone, especially if you care about him. Jadi gue rasa itu bukan ide yang bagus juga.

Atau gue shut myself out from him. Ga ketemu, ga kontak, dst. Tapi itu hampir sama juga sama musuhan... tapi kan at least gue ga throw nasty words to him, which on my rational mode on, he didn’t deserve it, but when my crabby mood mode on, he fully deserved it. Kerugiannya kalo gue mengambil langkah ini adalah gue kehilangan temen baik yang bisa gue ajak ngobrol segala macem. And when all things back to its place, and I can collect myself and once again be the real me, all chemistry needed to become good friends has gone.

Kayaknya kadang2 seseorang itu cenderung untuk merusak diri ya, dengan pikiran2 berat dan rumit (sekarang aja bahasa gue udah mengindikasikan...)
Harusnya bisa forgive, and move on, just remember the necessary stuff and forget all the rest...

But hell,
it
IS
hard...

(udah ah, malu, curhat online gini... hehehehe)